Parenting for the Future: Why Our Daily Moves Matter Long After Tonight
Parenting isn’t about quick wins. It’s not about winning the fight over the lights or rescuing the tenth wet towel of the week. Parenting for the Future means leaning into the long game and investing time, patience, and repeated effort in the small moments, so that when our kids are grown, something real remains.
Building Our Family Values Tree - One Branch at a Time
Way back in the post Family Values Tree 101, I laid out how we can identify and live by our core beliefs. (All Dads On Deck)
That tree, with its roots and branches, isn’t just a metaphor. It’s a roadmap.
When we sit our kids down and ask: “What matters to us? What do we stand for?” We’re not just having a nice talk; we’re building a foundation that’ll carry them through life.
Parenting for the Future means choosing three “root” values (like growth, kindness, safety) and returning to them again and again. When you do that, your family values don’t just stay on paper; they grow in your children’s hearts.
Turning Off the Lights — A Lesson in Conscientiousness
You might laugh, but one of the most powerful parenting moments came in a hallway, staring at a light switch. In the post How to Really Get Teens to Turn Off Lights, I describe how I walked up to my son, asked him to turn off his light, and then paused for something deeper:
“Why do you think this matters?”
That question opened up a conversation about being conscientious. (All Dads On Deck)
It wasn’t just about saving electricity. It was about recognizing that small habits reflect our values.
That conversation is Parenting for the Future in action: not nagging, but quietly shaping his internal compass.
The Great Towel Rebellion — Responsibility & Environmental Care
Then there’s The Great Towel Rebellion. (All Dads On Deck) Towels left all over the bathroom floor. Damp, used, forgotten.
It’s not just gross; it can be a doorway into a bigger discussion: responsibility, respect for shared space, and even environmental consciousness. When I talk to my teenager about picking up his towel, I’m not just asking him to clean up; I’m inviting him into a conversation about the kind of person he wants to be.
That’s Parenting for the Future: I don’t expect perfection, but I do expect him to think, to grow, and to try again.
Gratitude That Grows Over Time
In Gratitude Challenge: A Family Value Win‑Win!, I ask families to call someone, share thanks, and reflect on what we’re grateful for. (All Dads On Deck)
Why? Because gratitude isn’t a one-time holiday thing. It’s a muscle. When my kids learn to say “thank you” sincerely, or reflect on what they appreciate, I know I’m helping them build a heart that notices the good and not just for today, but in their adult years.
Parenting for the Future here means building a habit of gratitude. Over time, those “thank you” conversations become part of who they are.
Navigating Inconsideration with Empathy
No parent is immune to inconsiderate behavior. In the post Inconsiderate Kids! Is It on the Rise?, I talk about how children can interrupt conversations, dismiss others, or act selfishly, and how we as parents can respond with empathy, not just frustration. (All Dads On Deck)
We practice “active listening” and teach perspective-taking. We call out inconsideration not just to punish, but to help our kids understand how their actions affect others.
That’s Parenting for the Future – not shaming them for what they do wrong, but guiding them toward what they could become.
Resilience Isn’t Instant - It’s a Long-Term Project
In my book review of Building Resilience in Children and Teens, I highlighted how Dr. Ginsburg talks about “roots and wings.” The idea that kids need a strong foundation and the ability to fly on their own. (All Dads On Deck)
Resilience isn’t built in a day. It’s built in repeated challenges, in safe spaces to fail, in steady conversations that reinforce that setbacks don’t define them.
Parenting for the Future here means helping our kids learn to cope, to connect, to contribute, not just survive, but truly thrive as adults.
Connecting the Dots: Why the Long Game Matters
All these stories, lights, towels, gratitude, empathy, resilience, and values, tie into one big mission: Parenting for the Future.
- When I talk about turning off lights, I’m not just solving a household annoyance. I’m reinforcing a lifelong value.
- When I challenge my kids to call someone and express gratitude, I’m not doing a feel-good exercise. I’m building a muscle they’ll need when life gets hard.
- When I coach them through inconsideration, I’m not lecturing. I’m teaching empathy.
- When I encourage resilience, I’m not sheltering them. I’m preparing them for a world that won’t always be easy.
Why This Matters - for Us, and for Them
If I could share just one message here on All Dads On Deck, it would be this:
The work we do today, the repeated conversations, the quiet hundreds of small moments, matters deeply.
Some days, it may feel like we’re not getting through. The lights stay on. The towel hits the floor. The eye rolls come easily. But that doesn’t mean we’re failing. It means we’re investing.
Parenting for the Future isn’t about perfection. It’s about persistence. It’s about planting seeds now and trusting that the tree will grow.
One day, long after we stop writing these posts, our children will carry the fruit of those lessons. They’ll reflect our values, maybe imperfectly, but authentically, and they’ll pass them on.
For now, grin and bear it, and during desperate times, mumble to yourself, “I’m parenting for the Future! I’m parenting for the future!” and before you know it, you may spot an early detection of progress. It might come in the form of a snarky remark that echoes your own words right back at you: “I know, I know. It’s not about the lights; it’s about being conscientious,” with, of course, the eye roll to follow.